The initial days have been compared to an earthquake.

The separation between body and soul is still reverberating in the house. The rebuilding cannot begin until the shaking has ended.

But what happens after the shaking has ceased but before the rebuilding has begun?

The period between death and burial is called אנינות. There are no obligations for the mourner than to mourn. In fact, there are many normal obligations from which the mourner is exempt.

Which leaves the mourners a bit at odds. After the funeral arrangements have been made, then what?

Grandma died forty-five hours ago. We have been together every day. We talk about Grandma. Then we wander around the house. Doing busy work. Being sad. Laughing. And starting all over again.

There is much wisdom in burying quickly. Moves from the unstructred to the structured…

Dear ICU Nurse,

We did not see you today. We did not see you today because you were wrong. We did not see you today because you were wrong when you said that she wasn’t dying now.

The following responses you gave to me on Saturday were not helpful:

I don’t know why you are all crying…it isn’t as though she’s dying today.

Based on my ten years of ICU experience, I can assure you that it is going to take many days.

I’ll be here on Monday…she’ll still be here so I’ll see you then.

We were crying because we knew that within a day we would no longer have a mother. A grandmother. A great-grandmother. And while we knew that it was the right time for her, it is hard to let go.
We may not have your ICU experience. But we could have assured you that her death was not going to take days. We knew because we saw her soul slowly, and peacefully, separating from her body.
And while you were going to be back in the ICU on Monday, we knew that we would not see you because we knew that she was ready to go Home.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You were, I hope, trying to be positive. Perhaps those same words would have brought comfort if conveyed in a warmer tone of voice and with kind eyes.

It’s important to gauge the emotions of the family before making such proclamations. Having already made peace with the finality of her situation, we found your statements upsetting. And undermining. And just plain irritating.

So no, you did not see us today. I wonder if you even noticed…

Signed,
Frume Sarah
grandaughter of Esther Malka. Z”L.

We all have them. Since 1907, something pleasurable that induces a usually minor amount of guilt has been known as a guilty pleasure.

When asked to name their own guilty pleasure, many people will offer a type of junk food, a pricey line of handbags, or a massage or mani/pedi.

I have the following thoughts –

junk food — eat it or don’t eat it. but don’t ruin it by feeling guilty about it.
handbags — ditto. buy it…don’t buy it. but it you buy it…enjoy it!
massage or mani/pedi — it’s maintenance. promotes relaxation. NOTHING about which to feel guilty.

So here’s my weekly guilty pleasure:

The New York Times wedding announcements.

Every week, I eagerly await the end of Shabbat so that I can log onto the New York Times website and check out the statistics.

Was it a good week for us??? How do we know?

  1. Names
  2. Look at the names. Names can often, though not always, be a good starting point. So if a Miss Sharon Kastenbaum and Mr. Daniel Schwartz are the couple in question, it’s a pretty good supposition that two MsOT (the grammatically-correct pluralization of MOT) have found one another in this crazy, lonely world.
  3. Time of Day
  4. If that same Miss Sharon Kastenbaum and Mr. Daniel Schwartz are to be married this Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon, again, the odds are in our favour that this is a Jewish couple.
  5. Officiant
  6. Finally, if the name of the ceremony officiant begins with “R,” as in rabbi, then it would be a safe assumption that the House of Israel is being built up.

    We are a religious, cultural, and ethnic minority. And we are a minority that has suffered losses so numerous that we will never be able to compensate for the future generations who are forever lost to us and to humanity. So when two Jews meet, fall in love, and decide to sanctify their marriage at the chuppah through the sacred rites of kiddushin, it is a reason for the entire community to rejoice.

    Perhaps not such a guilty pleasure, after all.

In the spirit of cultural diversity, the kidlets’ school has decided to celebrate the Lunar New Year for the first time. Not Peach, of course, who attends a Jewish preschool…where they do Nouruz (Persian New Year) in addition to Rosh HaShannah.

Given that our school community is comprised of 36.5% Asian families, it makes sense. And since one of the reasons we endorsed public school was to educate them in an environment that is reflective of the world in which we live, being exposed to the New Year of other cultures is a very good thing.

[Plus, I can't help but think that exposing the other scholars to this overall concept will make them more understanding of our New Year in Elul.]

I admit that I know NOTHING about the Lunar New Year. Absolutely nothing. I learned this very day that the Lunar New Year is misnamed.. A fact that occurred to me just last night because unlike the lunar-based Ramadan, which moves all around the year, the Lunar New Year seems always to fall around my birthday…give or take a week or two in either direction. (Hey, now that sounds kind of familiar.)

The Lunar New Year is, in fact, based on a lunisolar calendar. Not unlike our calendar. This calendar is often referred to as the Chinese calendar for it was the Chinese who perfected in around the year 500 BCE. The Lunar New Year, called Chinese New Year in English, is celebrated by many other Asian countries such as Korea, Vietnam, Thailand, and Tibet.

In order for our celebration to be successful, we will accept any Chinese, Vietnamese, or Korean store bought food donations so the children can share the joy of the festival with their friends at school.

Well, I certainly hope that there are little placards by each dish in order to distinguish between the different cultural cuisines. After all, isn’t it just like a group of Anglos to bunch all the Asians together??

Please encourage your children to wear their traditional outfit to school on Friday, February 19, 2010.

Glaring grammatical problem aside, I find this request problematic. This was sent to every kid in the school. How ought we interpret it? I’m thinking peyos and a tallit katan for Beernut and maybe a long pleated skirt and woven Oxford blouse for Poppyseed. You??

Due to the complex rules of the Chinese language, I shall not attempt to use Chinese characters lest I make a major cultural faux pas. Instead, I extend the translation of the traditional greeting — Congratulations and Be Prosperous!

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The Sydney Taylor Book Award is presented annually to outstanding books for children and teens that authentically portray the Jewish experience. Presented by the Association of Jewish Libraries (AJL) since 1968, the Award encourages the publication and widespread use of quality Judaic literature. Gold medals are presented in three categories: Younger Readers, Older Readers, and Teen Readers. Honor Books are awarded silver medals, and Notable Books are named in each category. Thirty-three outstanding books were selected from among the over one hundred and twenty titles evaluated by the Sydney Taylor Book Award Committee during 2009. The Committee recommends them for library, classroom, and home use. List of all 2010 Award, Honor, and Notable Books.

You won’t want to miss one moment of the Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour 2010! Check out the Association of Jewish Libraries for up-to-date tour info.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2010

Friday, February 5, 2010
Annika Thor, author of A Faraway Island
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at Teen Reads

Friday, February 5, 2010
Ellen Frankel, author of The JPS Illustrated Bible for Children
Sydney Taylor Notable Book for All Ages
at Deo Writer

So my birthday has come and gone. Thirty-nine years old.

I was thinking of listing thirty-nine blessings in my life for which I am thankful. But so darn superstitious is Frume Sarah that simply could not bring herself to write them down lest the Ayin HaRa be regular FS reader.

[I can see you cringing, Mr. BossGiraffe. But remember that though he did not subscribe to superstitious behaviour, even Yehuda HaNasi once said that it was better to err on the side of caution.]

Then I thought about doing a whole survey of Hebrew words that had the numeric equivalent to thirty-nine.
The first word that popped up??

אאזל meaning “to be exhausted”

Well, it is certainly an apt description of Frume Sarah these days. What else adds up to thirty-nine??

אגלה meaning “to reveal; expose; be banished; expell”

Wait a minute…I’m not sure I like where this survey is headed. However, after looking through word-after-word, I discovered that there are both positive and negative words that add up to the number thirty-nine and one could really be driven insane by attempting to find deeper meaning in a number.

Of course, the number thirty-nine has special Shabbat significance as it is the same number of categories used to define work, according to the Rabbis. And any activity that falls within one of these categories is, therefore, prohibited on the Sabbath.

So what can I write as a recap of what is my final Thirtysomething year?? Was there a grand celebration? A fancy trip? A day at the spa?

None of the above. It was a quiet day. A day spent with my Grandmother. And a day that was marked with the generosity of family and friends who contributed $276.00 to MAZON: A Jewish Response to Hunger in my honour.

It was a perfect day.

*************************

The Sydney Taylor Book Award is presented annually to outstanding books for children and teens that authentically portray the Jewish experience. Presented by the Association of Jewish Libraries (AJL) since 1968, the Award encourages the publication and widespread use of quality Judaic literature. Gold medals are presented in three categories: Younger Readers, Older Readers, and Teen Readers. Honor Books are awarded silver medals, and Notable Books are named in each category. Thirty-three outstanding books were selected from among the over one hundred and twenty titles evaluated by the Sydney Taylor Book Award Committee during 2009. The Committee recommends them for library, classroom, and home use. List of all 2010 Award, Honor, and Notable Books.

You won’t want to miss one moment of the Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour 2010! Check out the Association of Jewish Libraries for up-to-date tour info.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2010

Thursday, February 4, 2010
Jacqueline Jules, author of Benjamin and the Silver Goblet
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at ASHarmony

Thursday, February 4, 2010
Natascia Ugliano, illustrator of Benjamin and the Silver Goblet
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at The Book of Life

Thursday, February 4, 2010
Deborah Bodin Cohen, author of Nachshon, Who Was Afraid to Swim
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Ima On and Off the Bima

Thursday, February 4, 2010
Jago, illustrator of Nachshon, Who Was Afraid to Swim
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Jewish Books for Children

*guest post by BossGiraffe

I’m not a fan of The Ten Commandments!

There…I’ve gotten your attention. This week’s Torah portion, Yitro, contains what is arguably the most famous section of the entire Bible. It is commonly called The Ten Commandments, though this is actually a misnomer. In Jewish Tradition, it is known as Aseret Ha-Dibrot—The Ten Statements, which is a more apt description, considering that the First “Commandment” is “I am the Eternal your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.” Wouldn’t you agree that’s more of a statement than a commandment?

So, what’s my problem with The Ten Commandments? Well, let me put it this way: I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard people say, “I’m not very religious, but at least I try to live my life by The Ten Commandments.” I question that statement because I’ve done the following experiment dozens of times: I’ve asked a class of adults to list The Ten Commandments. The group typically comes up with 8 or 9 or 11 or 12. If they come up with 10, some of the 10 are not actually part of The Ten Commandments. So, how can people live by The Ten Commandments if they don’t even know what they are?

Further, we are all aware that one of The Ten Commandments reads “Remember (Exodus version)/Observe (Deuteronomy version) the Sabbath day to keep it holy.” How many of these folks who claim to live by The Ten Commandments can be found in shul on Friday night? If they’re not at services, have they lit candles and made kiddush at home? You know the answer!

Another concern: There is more to Judaism than following just 10 commandments. How about “Love your neighbor as yourself?” What about “Justice, justice shall you pursue?” And then we have the whole round of annual festivals listed in Leviticus, Chapter 23. Can you imagine Judaism without Pesach or Yom Kippur, for instance? Just how many commandments are there in the Torah? (Hint: the number is somewhere between 612 and 614.) The Ten Commandments? Not enough to live a meaningful Jewish life.

Should we do our best to follow The Ten Commandments? Sure. But, let’s not stop there!

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The Sydney Taylor Book Award is presented annually to outstanding books for children and teens that authentically portray the Jewish experience. Presented by the Association of Jewish Libraries (AJL) since 1968, the Award encourages the publication and widespread use of quality Judaic literature. Gold medals are presented in three categories: Younger Readers, Older Readers, and Teen Readers. Honor Books are awarded silver medals, and Notable Books are named in each category. Thirty-three outstanding books were selected from among the over one hundred and twenty titles evaluated by the Sydney Taylor Book Award Committee during 2009. The Committee recommends them for library, classroom, and home use. List of all 2010 Award, Honor, and Notable Books.

You won’t want to miss one moment of the Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour 2010! Check out the Association of Jewish Libraries for up-to-date tour info.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2010

Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Elka Weber, author of The Yankee at the Seder
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at BewilderBlog

Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Adam Gustavson, illustrator of The Yankee at the Seder
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Great Kids Books

Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Judy Vida, daughter of the late Selma Kritzer Silverberg, author of Naomi’s Song
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Teen Readers Category
at The Book Nosher

There’s treif and then there is treif.

You know what I mean.

The Torah, and later interpretations and clarifications by the Rabbis, lay down the Law when it comes to what is kosher and what is not kosher.

Horse? Not kosher. Does not possess a cloven hoof. Nor does it chew its cud. (See Lev. 11:3 or Deut. 14:6)
Horseraddish? Kosher. And necessary to chase down the gefilte fish.

Oysters? Not kosher. Possesses neither the requisite fins nor scales. (See Lev. 11:9 or Deut. 14:9)
Oyster Mushrooms? Kosher. But a rather confusing name, don’t you think?

Calves? Kosher. Technically. Though there are some who regard veal as unkosher on ethical grounds.
Calf’s Foot Jelly? You bet. Strange as though it may sound, jellied calves feet was a common Ashkenazic food. Great source of protein without all the fat!

Mayonnaise? Kosher. In-and-of-itself, there is nothing unkosher about a condiment made of eggs, oil, and vinegar.
Mayonnaise in the relative proximity of anything other than egg salad or tuna salad? Still kosher. But it shouldn’t be.

Matzo balls? What could be more kosher than matzo balls…

Matzo balls wrapped in bacon?









What???






Yep. It is the gastronomical invention of one Ilan Hall. You may remember him as the winner of the second season of Top Chef. Where he certainly cooked his share of treif.

Now I certainly know that not all Jews keep kosher. And not all Jewish chefs keep kosher. What really galls me is his irreverent, and very public, approach to Jewish food. As though he is purposefully flaunting the forbidden mixture of foods. Not to mention the baggage he is still shlepping from his bad Hebrew school experience.

His restaurant, and “global” approach to cooking, was recently highlighted in the Los Angeles Times. Where the journalist, after acknowledging the lack of kashrut, made the following declaration:

and when he does use bacon, it makes sense, as in his fluffy matzo balls wrapped in bacon


Um…on what planet does this combination make sense???

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The Sydney Taylor Book Award is presented annually to outstanding books for children and teens that authentically portray the Jewish experience. Presented by the Association of Jewish Libraries (AJL) since 1968, the Award encourages the publication and widespread use of quality Judaic literature. Gold medals are presented in three categories: Younger Readers, Older Readers, and Teen Readers. Honor Books are awarded silver medals, and Notable Books are named in each category. Thirty-three outstanding books were selected from among the over one hundred and twenty titles evaluated by the Sydney Taylor Book Award Committee during 2009. The Committee recommends them for library, classroom, and home use. List of all 2010 Award, Honor, and Notable Books.

You won’t want to miss one moment of the Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour 2010! Check out the Association of Jewish Libraries for up-to-date tour info.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2010

Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Robin Friedman, author of The Importance of Wings
Sydney Taylor Book Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at Little Willow’s Bildungsroman

Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Jacqueline Davies, author of Lost
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Teen Readers Category
at Biblio File

Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Jonah Winter, author of You Never Heard of Sandy Koufax?
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Get in the Game: Read! and cross-posted at Examiner.com

What interests me most are people and their environment. I love drawing people ~ big, small or weird ~ and creating the worlds they live in.

And creating a world for Izzy, his family, and friends is exactly what Stéphane Jorisch has done with his artistic rendering of April Halprin Wayland’s New Year at the Pier. Using both watercolour and gouache, Stéphane fashions a quiet, yet vibrant, world in which young Izzy discovers the power of a genuine apology and the healing nature of the ritual of Tashlich.

Influenced greatly by his illustrator father, drawing came naturally to Stéphane Jorisch. Born in Brussels, Stéphane grew up in Lachine, Quebec. Nestled on the St. Lawrence River, Stéphane spent the majority of his youth on the water which, as he recalls, was “a great place to dream.” Since childhood, he has put images onto paper, filling the margins of his notebooks with sketches. Ultimately, he chose to make illustrating his career “because,” he says, “he could not do much else besides draw—images for museums, magazines, and books. All sorts of books.”

I have often wondered how an artist takes an image, real or imagined, and recreates it. Is it necessary, for example, to refer often to a photograph in order to capture every finite detail? Once he starts to draw, Stéphane’s approach is to rely on his memory rather than reference materials. This freedom enables a more fluid hand. And his inspiration? His inspiration comes from everyday things, daydreams, and time spent delayed in traffic.

Each artist approaches a project with his or her unique method. I asked Stéphane to walk us through his process for creating:

I try not to begin with any preconceived idea when I’m starting a project. In the past, when I’ve done that, it doesn’t work. I avoid trying to determine what the end product will look like till I get to the end. I get the best results if I let things happen spontaneously and gradually.

So the first step [when beginning a project such as this one] is to let it sit. Images and ideas start coming together as you start associating everyday events, magazine arcticles and pictures, books you are reading, stuff you notice as you drive about, people and kids you meet. As for the locations I illustrate, they are usually inspired from pictures in magazines or books. However, the garden scene was inspired by my own back yard.

I usually start by sketching the main characters. If the characters don’t work in a sketch session I put it away and wait a day or two to work on them later. The failure to arrive at something makes me mull over things without getting frustrated because in a few days, in a new sketch session, the characters just pop off the page.

Intuition is the sum of experience, talent and knowledge and this is what usually gets the work done.
I then break up the text in key places and make a layout with the text in place. I use this to make rough action sketches that the editors don’t see. I then make a final layout in the computer onto which I place the final sketches that are scanned and fitted in place in Photoshop.

On this project I worked with watercolour. I love watercolour because I can’t spend too long on an image. I have to finish quickly with watercolour because it dries so quickly. The images are traced onto the watercolour paper with the help of a lightbox. The sketch being backlit makes it possible to see through the watercolour paper. The images are then carefully packed and sent off the to the editor for approval.

Given his beautiful and creative renderings, it is difficult to believe that Stéphane began his career in the very structured world of architecture. A place, as he came to realize, that left little room for imagination. And it is imagination, combined with curiosity and a keen sense of observation, that Stéphane believes feed the soul of the artist.

Stéphane has received several prestigious honors for previous books, including the 2008 TD Canadian Children’s
Literature Award
, the Governor General’s Award (2008, 2004, 1999, and 1993), nominations for Governor General’s Awards in 1995, 1997 and 1998, and nominations for the 1997 and 1999 Mr. Christie Book Awards. And he is now, along with author, April Halprin Wayland [see Practically Paradise, who is hosting April's stop on the Blog Tour], the 2010 Sydney Taylor Book Award winner in the Younger Readers Category.

Mazal tov, Stéphane! May you go from strength to strength.

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The Sydney Taylor Book Award is presented annually to outstanding books for children and teens that authentically portray the Jewish experience. Presented by the Association of Jewish Libraries (AJL) since 1968, the Award encourages the publication and widespread use of quality Judaic literature. Gold medals are presented in three categories: Younger Readers, Older Readers, and Teen Readers. Honor Books are awarded silver medals, and Notable Books are named in each category. Thirty-three outstanding books were selected from among the over one hundred and twenty titles evaluated by the Sydney Taylor Book Award Committee during 2009. The Committee recommends them for library, classroom, and home use. List of all 2010 Award, Honor, and Notable Books.

You won’t want to miss one moment of the Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour 2010! Check out the Association of Jewish Libraries for up-to-date tour info.


1 person in every 6 lives in hunger...

I’m starving.

How many times a day do you say this? How many times a day do your children say this.

I’m starving.

I admit it. I used to say this when I hadn’t eaten in a few hours. When the noises in my tummy were audible to a classmate. Or sometimes just for effect.

But, like all words, those words have meaning. And thank God, I have never had to mean them. I have never known true starvation. The only reason I have ever had for going to bed hungry was my own refusal to eat something put in front of me.

I’m starving.

Becoming a mother radically altered my sensitivity to this phrase. The idea that there are mothers who must put their hungry children to bed nightly without knowing if their hunger will be satiated the next day horrifies me. I cannot imagine the pain felt by those women. Or by their children.

In advance of my birthday, I received a lovely email from Facebook, asking me to give people the opportunity to do a mitzvah in honour of my birthday. OK — it was phrased a little differently, but that was the essence of the email.

I figured that a few relatives or close friends might take me up on this crazy idea. What I didn’t expect is that within a few hours of posting my Birthday Wish, people who are not related to me (and are, therefore, NOT obligated to get me anything) chose to mark my birthday with a gift of tzedakah to Mazon: A Jewish Response to Hunger.

I am touched by their thoughtfulness. And hopeful that with such acts of justice, that awful phrase will be eradicated along with hunger.

Keyn y’hi ratzon — may this be God’s Will

I recently came across a copy of the 1993 obituary for Ralph Taylor.

“Who is Ralph Taylor?” you might ask. Apparently the co-owner of Caswell-Massey (who knew??). More impressively (to me, at any rate), Ralph Taylor was the husband of Sydney Taylor, who remains known for introducing generations of Jewish kids to the Lower East Side. Ella, Henny, Sarah, Charlotte and Gertie. With a baby brother, Charlie, arriving at the end of the first of the five-book series and introducing this Reform school girl to a Pidyon ha-Ben (Benny the Pigeon, anyone?). It was Ralph Taylor who slyly entered his wife’s manuscript for consideration of the Charles W. Follett award for writing. Which she won.

I wish I could remember who introduced me to these books. I wish that I could remember so that I could express my gratitude for inserting me into a world not unlike that known to my grandparents. Through Taylor’s vivid storytelling, I searched for buttons in the front room alongside Mama’s girls. When I got my ears pierced at the mall, I was surprised to find that I did not have loops made of candle wicks in my lobes like Sarah. And I was introduced to a new colour (ecru) after Henny frantically tried to cover-up the tea stain on Ella’s white linen dress. I have loved these girls and their stories for nearly three decades. I loved that their stories and experiences mirrored the ones of my family and me.

The importance of providing a literary portal for Jewish children and teens cannot be emphasized enough. As a religious, ethnic, and cultural minority, Jewish kids can feel marginalized without seeing their own experiences refracted through the stories of others. The Association of Jewish Libraries has been recognizing outstanding Jewish children’s literature since 1968. As a tribute to his wife, Ralph Taylor helped to continue this tradition by supporting the creation of the Sydney Taylor Book Award. Each year, books, their authors, and, in some cases, their illustrators are honoured for their outstanding contribution to Jewish literature.

New this year is a blog tour. Based on the idea of a book tour, this virtual tour will be located on various blogs throughout the blogosphere. And I am so excited that the blog tour’s 2nd stop will be right here at Frume Sarah’s World on Monday, February 1, 2010.

You are cordially invited!

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